There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize