I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Randomize
