Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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