I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
