I just pynch a tree in the face
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
