I wanna bring you to show and tell
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
