Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
