So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
