i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
