Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
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