I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
