so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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