Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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