my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
