She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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