I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
