I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
