you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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