Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
