You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
