allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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