and next time when you feel me up, do it right
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
