can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
