I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
not ubering you a puppy
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
