got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
