Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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