she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
