he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
