I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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