she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize