We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
