if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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