yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
