The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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