the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
