he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
