no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
