i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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