...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
