My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
