So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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