About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
