there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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