what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
