Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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