Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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