Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
