i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
