the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i think i just lost a toe
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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