I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I want to make a zoo with you.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize