then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
