Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
