a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
