I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She needs sedatives and a leash
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
