At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
