I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
