remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
