she was so not down for the gang bang
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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