This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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