I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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