So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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