"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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