So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Randomize