After last night, I could never be a politician.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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