i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
