my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
