Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
