his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
