we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
