is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
