We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
