Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
