I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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