Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
