Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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